the last few weeks i have been preparing for the great lent.
in the past, lent has taken several forms.
lent was first introduced to me as a child,
as my parents found it important to teach me the blessed tradition.
candy was an eight year old's vice.
i carefully tucked each piece of candy i had been offered over the forty day period, safely into a pencil box.
easter had never been so sweet.

last year,
lent was all traditional like,
ashes on forehead.
trying my hand at asceticism with a brother.
solidarity brought a cold lent,
parkas to bed.
records at a stand still,
collecting dust.
candles to illuminate paths to late night potty breaks.

i must admit that i am anxious and dreading the orthodox way.
i have yet to have such preparation for a lent.
daily readings, the anticipation, mourning.
may i encounter The Christ in new ways.
may this years asceticism be pure.
may charity and love pour from the Source.

ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.

LORD, mercy

moses

illuminated face and all,
covered by the hand of the Divine so as to whipser,
"later"

in the desert;
mediator
back and forth;
back
and
forth.

struck that rock,
"do 'we' need to show you!"
does who?

time to turn that promised land over to others
too young to remember egypt;

"go over there,
scurry up that mountain,
there you will see"

did he tremble with age?
take his time?
silently make the ascent as past brothers?

when he saw the land he would no longer inherit,
did he care?
or
was he ready for

"later"

during praises at church this evening i heard a pulse outside. i didn't pay it much mind as the service was under way, but after the service i ducked into the plaza to see a huddle of people near the church of saint blaise.
as i got closer i noticed that the people that formed the circle were puffing away on peruvian pan flutes, while four or five men in the middle kept rhythm on gigantic drums.
people held different octave flutes and would puff at different times around the circle, combined with an amazing rhythm on the drums, to make the most moving music i have heard in my time here.
as i was watching, people started pouring out from evening mass. a man quickly stuffed a cup of horchata in my hand, while another woman came around offering a peruvian bread. i gladly partook in both. another man came up to me  and we spoke a little bit of english and spanish with one another.
as the musicians took a break to partake in bread and drink, he explained that the woman whom gave me the bread had brought the musicians here from pono to celebrate the 3rd annual death of her mother.
i was moved by her service. her gentle smile. i should have baked her a bread for her mourning. instead she gladly gave some bread to a stranger, who didn't even know her mother. who was there to hear some music.
as the music struck up again i noticed her finish giving out the rest of her bread and smile, with the rest of the celebration of her mothers passing. a smile in the Peace of knowing.

lately i have been observing different churches in the area.
overwhelmed by their beauty, ready to just lie down, rest in the praise given through structure.
after yesterday, however,  i couldn't help but scratch my head. these structures weren't only created, they were imposed. the catchuan people lived simply in the valley, when the spaniards came into to bring the 'good word.' i have been reading different testimonies from the spanish, that claim mother mary and saint james came down to help the spaniards defeat the enemy natives.

how am i supposed to feel about this?

all of the art, all of the beauty exists, because one group was forced into a certain belief system. catchuan people were required forced to speak spanish, were referred to as imbreeds.
where were the brothers the sisters of these monasteries/convents?

next week we are going to the convent, where there are currently 20 active nuns. i see them around town often, maybe a conversation soon. see how they shed light.

brothers bawa and antony remind me
of wells within,
why leave to draw water?
stay inside for awhile

o how lent crept up;
time to join others
in tombs, all around the world;
dieing each day,
each moment,
with expectancy!
did Jesus have the internet in the desert?
perhaps on sundays

now to make a desert of this city;
a desert in the heart:
quiet,
sincere;
keep thoughts silent behind those teeth

LORD willing

 wanting to weep with the other brothers at,
"and now G-D preserve you, children, for antony is leaving and is no longer with you."
always wanting more
perhaps i should learn from brother rumi and leave my books in the fountain
LORD, mercy

in cell close to the entire day;
did i come here to be a monk?
how to stay devoted and  present to the foreign country i now reside?
learn to love from the Source of love,
or do we learn from practice, lips closed, hands to working

take it all in on an evening stroll,
keep circles round that rope son
so easy to judge behind those closed lips
oof!

how to stay focused on that Light all the time?
yet rejoicing at the grace in the lessons
thanks for more opportunities LORD
face like moses please.

in reading about the fathers lives, it is hard to ignore their asceticism. i find it hard to overlook my soul's desire to fit discipline into my busy life. as i have begun to make my rounds around prayer knots/beads i have already begun to experience some of the mystery/clarity that comes from trying to center my world around the Divine. also experiencing the Spirit in fresh ways through scripture and other supplementary readings/liturgies.

in the days preceding and the first few days here, i slipped out of a routine i had been recently acquainted with. i can try and blame this on lack of time or sleep, none the less, prayer and reading seemed to become less. with this i truly felt a substantial change in my heart. where was IT? silenced by my little world?  yesterday i really began to experience the divide i had created.

by the grace of our LORD, i locked myself in an empty room and began 'the life of antony' by athanasius. antony's asceticism compelled me to make time always for prayer and reading, and also to pay careful attention to whats in the heart, to live within the heart always being attentive to what dwells there, and to be cautious to keep darkness far from that sanctuary.

how easy to stumble on the subtleties of the crafty one.
grant us strength o  G-D to follow You with discipline.
the harvest is now, empower us to work, for our rest is to come.
may we lie awake, arms stretched upward awaiting Your return.
with every breath comes a new start.
all praise to our Creator, Protector, and Sustainer.

for the past few days i have been trying to keep my eyes on the ground when walking through cusco. for a number of reasons really: so as not to alert one of the many peddlers of my presence, to ignore the immodesty  that so easily begs for a brother to stumble, to guard my heart from the ever longing desire to consume.

when i do look up, however, i can't help but notice a lot of the beautiful subtleties of this city.

getting away from the city on a hike, the elderly women with the leather skin, sitting on their balconies or benches, who have learned the joy of silence, and their faces quickly display this.
the beautifully ornate cathedrals filled with the south american iconography which i have not yet grown to appreciate.
or the smell of a wonderfully cooked meal, with families, smiles all around.
i can only hope that these subtleties will continue to make themselves known in the next six months.
may the SPIRIT continue to decide when to look up, or down

grace in new forms

new altitude brings deep breaths
deep inhale: LORD, JESUS CHRIST, SON of G-D
deep exhale: have mercy on me a sinner

new language brings closed mouth
gentle smile
hands wanting to point upward
yet, they find themselves pointing at menus and down streets

here we go again

this is my attempt to keep friends and family updated on my recent move to peru
if all goes according to plan my posts will be in english.

much Peace your way