the last few weeks i have been preparing for the great lent.
in the past, lent has taken several forms.
lent was first introduced to me as a child,
as my parents found it important to teach me the blessed tradition.
candy was an eight year old's vice.
i carefully tucked each piece of candy i had been offered over the forty day period, safely into a pencil box.
easter had never been so sweet.

last year,
lent was all traditional like,
ashes on forehead.
trying my hand at asceticism with a brother.
solidarity brought a cold lent,
parkas to bed.
records at a stand still,
collecting dust.
candles to illuminate paths to late night potty breaks.

i must admit that i am anxious and dreading the orthodox way.
i have yet to have such preparation for a lent.
daily readings, the anticipation, mourning.
may i encounter The Christ in new ways.
may this years asceticism be pure.
may charity and love pour from the Source.

ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.

LORD, mercy

moses

illuminated face and all,
covered by the hand of the Divine so as to whipser,
"later"

in the desert;
mediator
back and forth;
back
and
forth.

struck that rock,
"do 'we' need to show you!"
does who?

time to turn that promised land over to others
too young to remember egypt;

"go over there,
scurry up that mountain,
there you will see"

did he tremble with age?
take his time?
silently make the ascent as past brothers?

when he saw the land he would no longer inherit,
did he care?
or
was he ready for

"later"

during praises at church this evening i heard a pulse outside. i didn't pay it much mind as the service was under way, but after the service i ducked into the plaza to see a huddle of people near the church of saint blaise.
as i got closer i noticed that the people that formed the circle were puffing away on peruvian pan flutes, while four or five men in the middle kept rhythm on gigantic drums.
people held different octave flutes and would puff at different times around the circle, combined with an amazing rhythm on the drums, to make the most moving music i have heard in my time here.
as i was watching, people started pouring out from evening mass. a man quickly stuffed a cup of horchata in my hand, while another woman came around offering a peruvian bread. i gladly partook in both. another man came up to me  and we spoke a little bit of english and spanish with one another.
as the musicians took a break to partake in bread and drink, he explained that the woman whom gave me the bread had brought the musicians here from pono to celebrate the 3rd annual death of her mother.
i was moved by her service. her gentle smile. i should have baked her a bread for her mourning. instead she gladly gave some bread to a stranger, who didn't even know her mother. who was there to hear some music.
as the music struck up again i noticed her finish giving out the rest of her bread and smile, with the rest of the celebration of her mothers passing. a smile in the Peace of knowing.

lately i have been observing different churches in the area.
overwhelmed by their beauty, ready to just lie down, rest in the praise given through structure.
after yesterday, however,  i couldn't help but scratch my head. these structures weren't only created, they were imposed. the catchuan people lived simply in the valley, when the spaniards came into to bring the 'good word.' i have been reading different testimonies from the spanish, that claim mother mary and saint james came down to help the spaniards defeat the enemy natives.

how am i supposed to feel about this?

all of the art, all of the beauty exists, because one group was forced into a certain belief system. catchuan people were required forced to speak spanish, were referred to as imbreeds.
where were the brothers the sisters of these monasteries/convents?

next week we are going to the convent, where there are currently 20 active nuns. i see them around town often, maybe a conversation soon. see how they shed light.

brothers bawa and antony remind me
of wells within,
why leave to draw water?
stay inside for awhile

o how lent crept up;
time to join others
in tombs, all around the world;
dieing each day,
each moment,
with expectancy!
did Jesus have the internet in the desert?
perhaps on sundays

now to make a desert of this city;
a desert in the heart:
quiet,
sincere;
keep thoughts silent behind those teeth

LORD willing

 wanting to weep with the other brothers at,
"and now G-D preserve you, children, for antony is leaving and is no longer with you."
always wanting more
perhaps i should learn from brother rumi and leave my books in the fountain
LORD, mercy

in cell close to the entire day;
did i come here to be a monk?
how to stay devoted and  present to the foreign country i now reside?
learn to love from the Source of love,
or do we learn from practice, lips closed, hands to working

take it all in on an evening stroll,
keep circles round that rope son
so easy to judge behind those closed lips
oof!

how to stay focused on that Light all the time?
yet rejoicing at the grace in the lessons
thanks for more opportunities LORD
face like moses please.